Let's Rein In The Women

See Tweet Here

Today on A.M. Joy, Jehmu Greene said that the man who said he wants to 'rein women in' was Sam Ronan, who is running to lead the DNC. His entire narrative is a tiresome rehashing of the fauxgressive talking points during and after the primaries. He believes the left can be reformed if it determines that Sanders' entire mantra be embraced. The poor forgotten white man is still a central point. No, he never mentions the white man, he just says the failure of the left is having forgotten the working class. This, of course, was the same talking point Sanders used to draw the same misguided correlation.

The bullshit projected there and adopted by the media on the left is painful. I remember vividly last summer when Hillary Clinton was holding rallies in Pennsylvania about her jobs plans and MSNBC broke into her speech to see if she was replying to the fact that Trump had started a fight with Khizr Khan on Twitter. When they determined that what she was talking about wasn't remotely tabloidesque, they cut away from her rally speech and went back to the punditry banter over all manner of nonsense wholly unimportant to the working class voters, and everyone else.

Hillary Clinton had an amazing platform for the working class to raise wages, lower taxes, protect our unions, strengthen small businesses, and every other damned thing you would expect from a REAL Progressive platform. Thoughtfully compare that to Sanders' platform which was focused more on outlining the issues American workers face than defining any actual plans (or means of funding them) for progress.

Clinton traveled the country giving Americans her vision for our future and how to move forward. The fact that every American didn't make it to a rally to hear that vision is not her failing, nor theirs. It is the failure of both the media who found ad buys more enticing than our democracy, and the fauxgressives who spent their time demanding both sides were rotten and only Saint Bernard could save the world. Don't fucking get me started ... there is little chance I will ever stop.

ANYWAY .... Back to my point.

The same people who project the image of the forgotten working class white man are the same people who remind us that 53% of white women voted for Trump. Pause and reflect. If a majority of white women aren't voting as Democrats, isn't it just slightly indicative of an issue speaking to women? And why might that be? I would say if a fauxgressive who is seeking to lead the party spends time thinking out loud that women need to be reined in, we have found a good place to start our reflection.

Of course real Progressives want to move women forward. Of course real Progressives believe in income equality. Of course real Progressives believe a woman should have the ONLY say in her reproductive and family planning choices. But if our party can be hijacked by a group proudly led by a man who writes rape fantasies and can dismiss them as being satirical while ignoring women during the entire campaign, maybe the party has a lot more work to do for the women who are being condemned for not hearing the message. It sounds to me like they probably have. The message they hear is the message our society projects - women need to shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down. Women have all of the rights they need. And of course, women have destroyed the Democratic party. Do you think that's a stretch? Name me one Democrat who was maligned over the last two years who also has a cock. Thanks.

I will conclude my tirade by reminding you that most women on the left are what I call 'universal mothers.' You don't have to be a mother to be a universal mother. I sincerely believe it is inherent. Universal mothers are those of us who see every issue as a personal issue because they hit all of our children. We demand that the myriad concerns of true Progressives (those which the fauxgressives demand have been too distracting and alienated the white men) are all personal to us. We are fighting for LGBTQ, Black Lives Matter, immigrants, Muslims, campus rape victims, education, disability rights, gun control, mental health coverage, climate change, health care reform, criminal justice reform, etc. These are the issues that America's children face. And America's children are all our children.

If someone wants to lead the Democratic party to a place where 53% of white women aren't voting against their own interests, it would be in the interest of the Democratic leadership to remind themselves, so they can project that reminder to American women, that ALL OF THESE ISSUES are a sincere and beloved facet of our party. If our leadership can spend time denouncing them, they can hardly spend their time reminding American women why these issues are so important.

Trust me, the white man will be just fine. I'm sure having had unchecked privilege throughout our entire history is very comforting and the idea of allowing others to move into the foreground is unsettling. The objective of a REAL Progressive movement would consider it their responsibility to better explain the genuine necessity of inclusion instead of finding ways to counter it. No single aspect of our platform should be hindered to make anyone else more comfortable. And this woman is here to tell you, any motherfucker who believes women need to be reined in needs to exit stage right. Immediately.


Kiss Kiss...

Mean Progressive

(White) Boys Will Be Boys

Back in the day, growing up in Northeast Ohio, my brother had the same pellet gun that Tamir Rice had. One day, when we were 12, he was playing with my cousins in the parking lot between our family home and family business. They were creating a cops and robbers scene so perfect that, even if Scorsese had filmed it, no one would have believed. It ended with my brother running into the garage and hitting the button for the garage door to come down. As he rounded back to the front of the garage and the door was almost to the ground, he rolled on his back and fired at my cousin. Before the door hit the cement there was a scream from the parking lot. He'd shot my cousin. In the nuts.

My family were well off. My father and grandfather held prominent positions in our small town and were well respected. Even though the neighbor called the police, no charges were filed and no one was held accountable. No one pointed fingers at my parents and blamed them for having raised a child who would play with a toy gun. This was simply a case of boys being boys. My cousin wasn't badly injured and he has his own children now (I feel certain that more than one person has to be asking that question).

While remaining in NE Ohio, fast forward 30 years: We are now an open-carry state where the law requires neither a license nor a registration for firearms. Ohio does, however, have a duty to inform law which requires gun owners to inform law enforcement that they are carrying a weapon immediately upon confrontation. That law, of course, would mean that the person in question would have to be actually carrying a weapon and they would have an opportunity to speak a single word before the officers decided to open fire on them.

We have all seen the video. We saw where a kid was playing with a toy gun and pretending it was real. We have been told that the officers thought he looked older than 12. That is meant to offer absolution to the officer who shot Tamir Rice because his being older would make him a threat. Why? They didn't even talk to him. Not only did they not take the time to determine if he was actually carrying a weapon or how old he was (where if he were the grown man they said he seemed, he may have been legally open carrying a gun), but there was never a determination that he had broken any laws. Ohio allows people to open carry their weapons. He was not in conflict with anyone. He was literally standing there doing NOTHING. And to some, apparently, that is quite enough:

This bullshit comment showed up on my Facebook page today in reaction to the shirt I designed for Black Lives Matter showing dozens of names of people of color murdered. I've heard it all before. This is the shit some white people tell themselves to remain in their little happy world where everything is right and their white supremacy is the standard. I realize that a lot of people don't understand that this is what their subconscious is doing, but I can't allow them that freedom, either. You don't get to rewrite histories or biographies to make yourself feel better. How many people are presently feeling good about themselves saying, "Yeah. Well they were killed because they were criminals or ran their mouth"? How can you not then allow a revelation that neither of those things warrant being murdered?

In America, if you commit a crime you are arrested, given a court hearing and a judge or jury determines your guilt. If found guilty, you are then sentenced. Few crimes warrant death. Asshole.

Running your mouth? Really? Anyone who knows me will tell you that all of my life I have 'run my mouth' giving no consideration to the power or position of its recipient. Fortunately, however, I was white while I was doing it.

She concludes her nonsensical list of reasons to murder people with Tamir Rice and his fake gun. She doesn't expand on her thought process (I generously attribute one to her, which is probably unnecessary) but it seems to tell me that children with fake guns should be murdered without question or due process. Thank goodness my brother had that white skin or who knows what might have happened to him. Cunt.

Apparently, unless a police officer screams the words, "I'm killing you for your blackness," while shooting, there will never be a way to make some people understand. I honestly don't want to share the planet with people who are this shallow, selfish and willfully ignorant. If you have thought things similar to the comment pictured above or nodded your head when someone else was saying these things, I compel you to take this test. If you get to the end of it and do not see the problem with your thinking, you are hopelessly devoid of humanity. But that means my words are of no consequence to you. So I offer you the most abject shame and hope you have little time left in this word with no influence over the next generation.

Honestly, we are settling for this society. Until every rational voice demands coherence out of those who embrace hate and ignorance while completely dismissing lives lost to people of color, we will remain right here. Until our 'leadership' believes that the majority of Americans see the truths behind these killings, they will not do anything. They don't have to. A very precious few of them do anything unless it helps them get reelected. Please stand up. Please shout for justice. Please don't wait for the next innocent child to end up dead for engaging in his childhood. PLEASE.


Finally, please READ AND SIGN THIS PETITION.

Thank you.

Scott Walker and His Welfare Queens

We have Scott Walker's idol, Ronald Reagan, to thank for the term "Welfare Queen." He offered a depiction of a woman who was taking advantage of the system to malign an entire subset of society. All of the poor who received aid were condemned to a hypothetical representative that would've been impossible for anyone to duplicate. The woman Reagan cited did exist, but she was not the typical welfare recipient. She was an actual con artist. Her entire scheme was to get over on anyone in any way she could. She took advantage of many people and many government agencies.

While campaigning for the presidency, Reagan failed to mention all of the other government agencies she managed to take advantage of. Why would he not mention the rest? Because he was a dick. Because he didn't need her for that. He only needed a means to vilify the poor and create a narrative that would have Americans thinking twice about their tax dollars going to help them. The funny thing, which happens to not be funny at all, is that, as with all Republican approaches to societal issues, the idea of fixing a broken system that could be taken advantage of was not the issue. He did not talk about how to make the system more productive in its means of caring for the nations poor. The issue was to condemn those who needed it. And, for the Regressive Party, this has never changed.

Earlier this year, Kansas passed a law saying that welfare recipients cannot spend their money on cruise ships. Well holy shit! That must happen all of the time, right? I mean, either that or Kansas has gone so far out of its way to cure all of its ills that it is only left to mend the problem of assistance dollars being spent in the Caribbean. The focus of this new bill was meant to limit the amount a recipient can spend in one day to $25. This, obviously, makes it quite hard to pay rent and utilities. But I will explain what it does that is not so obvious. When I was on welfare, I didn't have a car most of the time. I had to take a bus wherever I went. Once a month I took a cab to get my groceries. I could hardly bring them all home on the bus, and a cab ride was not free. For the bulk of the time I was receiving aid, my daughter was in diapers. They are not cheap and (sorry Bubba) my baby girl had a very sensitive bottom so we had to buy only a specific (expensive) brand or she would have a terrible rash. With this new proposal, we would have to take a cab to the grocery store several times a month to do our shopping as you simply cannot, even with coupons and a wonderful sale, get a months worth of diapers with $25 along with everything else one needs to feed their family. And I had a family of two. I don't even want to try to imagine how many trips it would take to get the necessities for a family of five or six.

Honestly! Who believes this shit?

This year Maine, Missouri and dear Scott Walker's state of Wisconsin have been working on laws demanding that food stamps cannot be used to buy junk food or expensive items, like steak and lobster. Of course, this is all rhetoric in an attempt to get on the news to remind their lowly base that they need to hate the poor and completely ignore what other items their 'representatives' have on the agenda. The legislators know full well that they would never be able to maintain this even if they manage to pass these bills. First they would have to define junk food. Then they would have to deal with the lawsuits from companies who wanted to contend that their food should not be classified as unhealthy with so many studies defining subjectivities. Then they would have to back off because they were only doing it to rile up morons, anyway.

Lets just pretend that they were able to limit what a family can spend their food allowances on, okay? So we, my daughter and I, were a normal American family. Regardless of how much money we contributed to stimulating the economy, we were a normal, yet small, family. Every year on Audrey's birthday she would get to pick whatever she wanted for dinner. So if my child wanted me to make her a steak that would be unacceptable? And if I wanted to make her a birthday cake, which would be deemed junk food, that should not be allowed? And every month when my period comes I am not allowed to have a candy bar? I dare any legislator to come to my house when I'm on my period and tell me I can't have chocolate. They will leave fearing for their life. I'm pretty sure that's not even an exaggeration. Are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness only available to those who can afford it? Shit!

Actual Welfare Queen and my Princess :)

This myth created by Reagan, and perpetuated by Scott Walker and the Republicans, of what it is like to live on welfare is ridiculous. You do not get enough money to go on a cruise. You do not get enough food stamps to buy expensive (or healthy) food items. No one is having a wonderful life from the benefits this assistance offers them. It creates so many limitations that it is very hard to get off of welfare, too. With maybe $600 coming in a month you would be hard pressed to save anything. But if you could find a way to do it, you are not allowed. If you have money set aside, you do not need assistance. But if you do not set money aside, there is no way to get off of assistance without something pretty miraculous happening. Its an ugly circle. Americans who are desperate to condemn others to inflate their own pathetic lives seem unwilling to realize that there really are not enough bootstraps to go around.

Walker was so desperate to condemn those on welfare to drug testing that last year he said he would take it all the way to "a fight with the federal government and in court." Right. So the testing has already proven to be a profound waste of tax payer dollars in other states and now he thinks it is a justifiable use of tax dollars to pay for a lawsuit? This is the same man whose new budget just offered $250 million to millionaires and billionaires. It is curious that those who so excitedly support Scott and his plans are so easily distracted by his games. Wait. No. It isn't, is it? They have been playing the same game since Reagan invented it and designed the rules: Create distractions where the lowest individuals can feel better about themselves by giving them someone to malign and blame for their lot in life so they don't notice that on the other side they are literally giving away the money that could be used to create jobs in these communities to help those in need to the richest among us and their corporations. It's brilliant. Because their base are so stupid.

In a capitalist society that is woefully unbalanced, some aspect of that society will have to be weakened by that imbalance. The poor are those to suffer. Always. The Supreme Court has determined, through its Citizens United ruling, that campaign funding can be limitless and secretive, allowing the wealthiest Americans and corporations to control the message to the voters, and thus those who are elected. The poor can't afford a lobby, let alone the capacity to purchase their very own Congress.

Today the right has managed to convince its followers that Jesus Christ, himself, would condemn those who need assistance in caring for their families. That contention has even been made in a Congressional hearing on food stamps while (mis)quoting a passage from Thessalonians. Well, if St. Ronnie wasn't enough to convince them, Jesus certainly should be. How desperate can one person be for a scapegoat to allow the Bible to be rewritten to justify not helping the poor?

While you are being asked to hate the poor and imagine them sitting around having a lavish lifestyle, ask yourself how likely that really is. Realize, first, that many receiving aid are actually working. But they don't make enough money on their minimum wage job (the wage your representatives would like to eliminate altogether) to come anywhere near the poverty line. Ask yourself about the people you know who have fallen on hard times and needed assistance. Why do you allow them a pass? You don't know every family in America receiving aid. And you don't know what brought them to this place. No one aspires to end up on welfare. And no one wants to imagine continuing to have to give their children the lives welfare affords them.

Why not take a good ten minutes out of your desperate need to hold contempt for everyone you have been told to hate and quietly reflect as a human being why the politicians you support are asking you to hate the group who cost America a third of the amount lost annually by tax breaks offered to those who are meant to be stimulating our economy? And realize, you cannot condemn this economy that you attribute as a failure of President Obama, but then state that the economy is doing so well as to warrant tax breaks to those who are stimulating it so successfully.

Also, quietly ask yourself about the necessity of drug testing those receiving aid beyond the obvious profound waste of those taxpayer dollars you are always so mindful about. The basic tenet of this incredible belief system is that the poor should not be receiving federal dollars if those dollars are being used to buy drugs instead of feed their families. So the obvious first question is, "So the children won't get fed?" Which begs the question, "Wait. What is our objective?" If the answer to the first question is, "Fuck the children." Then the only response is, "Hello, we are asking ourselves the wrong question!" Kindly at least pretend to give a shit about someone other than yourselves and understand that those who are in need of aid are not your enemy. They did not create the system that left Americans with shitty wages and ever decreasing benefits. These are the people who have fallen through the cracks that your elected officials have created and have no intention of repairing. You helped create it. By condemning those with no power to fix the problem you are only enabling those who have created and are perpetuating the problem. That means YOU are the problem. Scott Walker is only the latest to join the circus of clowns who want to entertain and distract you instead of lead us all to a positive future.

Instead of criticizing those who have no means of defending themselves, maybe go demonize the politicians who think so little of your intelligence and capacity for critical thought that they asked you to get riled up about this in the first place. You are supporting those whose agenda is to only benefit the corporations who pay for their elections. They don't care about those of you who actually elect them. Wake up! When these corporations end up with the policies they want (those that will deregulate the means by which they run their corporations, are taxed and are responsible to their employees), Americans will be much poorer. Immediately. That includes you. Obviously none of you are well off (or well educated). You will be screwed. And the safety nets you rallied so hard to get rid of will be gone. And you will need them. And won't that just suck?

White Lives Matter

The Fox cable channel with the word "news" in its title was so moved by the recent tragic waste of a young life that they had their little ass-kissing O'Reilly fanboy go all the way to San Francisco to speak to their Board of Supervisors. Jesse Watters asked them, "How many dead people does it take?" It seems to take quite a lot, Jesse. Either that, or your question wasn't specific enough and missed an all-important adjective. It certainly takes a lot of black people if we are meant to go by Fox coverage which still demands that the entire black community bears responsibility for the myriad killings by police officers. If you did forget the adjective 'white,' however, it seems one is enough.

I know its hard to make it out in the video, here is her picture. She was absolutely beautiful. 

Here is another photo of a beautiful face we lost far too soon to indefensible and horrific gun violence.

Fox news, however, had a completely different perspective on that tragedy. The explanation for this loss was quite easy to find. There is a reasonable and understandable explanation for this murder, you see, the young man pictured above "looked a certain way." 

Aside from the very important information as to the immigration status of the alleged killer in this story (who, curiously, does not seem to be alleged when mentioned on Fox or by the Regressive Party candidates), little is known about this case, so far. I think we can all be sure, however, that she had to have been wearing a hoodie, or she would still be with us today.





POST: No one need bother play semantics with my sarcasm as I am one who sincerely believes that, in fact, all lives DO matter. You can feel free to write me a book below. I will not waste my time with white trash, however, and will ignore it without reading. No Regressive is worth my time. You were the moron who followed a link to a site called "Mean Progressive," after all.

GOP Congressman Promoting Imperialism. Still.

I am an Ohioan. We have been called a blue state recently in the news. I would love to live in a blue state, however, I do not. We might be leaning toward purple, but we are most certainly not blue. We have Boehner for Christ's sake. And Rob Portman *sigh*. And we have a Congressman from the district where I grew up named Bob Gibbs. He represents the Canton area. That is where you find the Football Hall of Fame. Many famous athletes and celebrities go there every summer for the inductions, but apparently that honor is not enough for Congressman Gibbs.

As seen in this Daily Show piece from last night, he and the McKinley Presidential Library and Museum believe that they speak for all Ohioans (and Americans?) when they demand that America doesn't acknowledge the original name Denali for the random mountain they decided to attribute to the former President. Honestly, McKinley had nothing to do with this mountain. Alaska hadn't even become a state by the time he died. But since 1975 when Ralph Regula was in Congress, those trying to have it acknowledged by its original name, Denali, have been denied.



We all need to appeal to Bob Gibbs and tell him that to sincerely represent Ohio he needs to focus on his disgraceful voting record of consistently trying to take away women's rights and Ohioans access to affordable healthcare, always caving to the NRA lobby to maintain that 100% rating, decimating our environment and repeatedly voting to stymie the progress of America by wasting time on bills meant to only distract voters and condemn the legacy of President Obama. Ohio often looks like a backward and ignorant state when we make national news, don't be our next embarrassment.

During this time when Americans are finally having an awakening about her history of legitimate oppression of so many and obliteration of entire cultures, it is offensive to think you would be battling those who mean to rename Mt McKinley back to its original name. Come on Bob! Your constituents have a lot of things to worry about, the name of a mountain is on no one's agenda. You were sent to DC to represent us, not humiliate us. Welcome to the 21st century, Imperialism is no longer accepted. Thanks.


Please sign this petition and forward to everyone who would like to see this one simple act of Congress to actually accomplish something positive.

(Repost) Mental Health Stigma

I don't have it in me to think or write right now but this is important so I thought I would repost for any who may have missed it.

Have you ever been unable to find the energy to get off of the couch for over a week and started to ask yourself, "I wonder if I stink and I just cant tell because its me?" Not only have I not done anything remotely physical, but I haven't had the energy to hold my hands over my head long enough to wash and condition my hair. So I just keep it in a ponytail and ignore my own hygiene and care altogether. My house is pretty much a wreck, too. The parts of the house I use, anyway. I gave up on going to bed a long time ago. I am on the couch. My pillow is on the couch. I have a blanket on the couch. Its too much energy to carry it all to bed every night and back in the morning.

I am too tired to take care of myself. My body doesn't have the energy. My mind doesn't have the energy. And I don't even think that bothers me any more. That is depression.

Every year I ride in a 50 mile bike tour that raises money for cancer research. I never train for it. I literally get my bike out of the shed, go to the gas station to fill the tires, and go line up for the event to ride for 50 miles. I finish my ride and come home exhausted with a body that hates me every year. Never, after finishing my ride and coming home, have I been this tired.

While raising my daughter, I always promised she would make it to Disney before she was 10. We were always poor and 10 seemed so far away. I refused to let her down, though. So the summer before she was to turn 10 I took a second full time job. Both of them required overtime. In one week I worked 96 hours. At the end of that week, I wasn't this tired.

When my dad was dying in hospice 3 hours away, I traveled to and from his bedside every weekend and spent more nights without sleep than I did manage to find sleep. I probably cried, exhausting all-encompassing cries, more in those last 3 weeks than I had in all of my life combined. By the time he passed I was not this tired.

There is a big difference between the kind of tired that comes from having run your body or mind too hard and from having run your soul too hard. I don't know the words to describe it. I'm not sure those words exist. My tired comes from having given up. The energy I have to write is the only energy that I have. My mind does not stop. My mind is tired and requires up to four naps a day, but my mind does not stop. So writing has become my outlet.

When I was an adolescent, I was diagnosed with severe depression twice. I didn't understand that depression was anything more than being sad. Mental health not only had a stigma back then, but it was often dismissed or discounted. My father had taken me for them to confirm that I was a bad kid and tell him how to fix me, not to justify my 'pity parties.' He pulled me out of them each time and determined they were quacks.

I am presently experiencing my third major depressive episode in my life. I don't know if they are precipitated by having had too much to deal with or having a chemical imbalance that makes it harder for me to deal with things that come my way, but each time I had more going on than I could find a way to endure. The first time that I was suicidal, my daughter was a toddler. I begged my parents to watch her so I could commit myself. My dad still had no use for such nonsense and told me "You created this, you fix it." Because he refused to believe in depression he thought I was looking for an escape from my life. And, as anyone would imagine, the best vacation I could think of was a mental health facility. Anyway, I did find a therapist and, with counseling and medicine, I was able to pull through it eventually. I believe now, however, and I believed then, that if I didn't have Audrey, I wouldn't have even tried.

I recently found this picture from when my daughter was little. It speaks volumes, I believe.

This episode has been much worse. My daughter is grown and off to college now. I don't have to take care of anyone. Care for myself has never even been something I have ever really thought about. Of course, that is why I find myself where I am now. I don't care. I never managed to find a value for myself beyond being a mother. Although I am still a mother, she doesn't need me to take care of her now. When my life began falling apart a year and a half ago, I had nothing to hold on to. I had nothing to fight for. I didn't need to be well. And I think my brain just kind of started giving up.

Initially around Thanksgiving of 2013 my life hit a wall that no one could have ever seen coming. I still can't talk or write about it because the tragedy is not just mine. But the pain and its mark will, undoubtedly, be with me for the rest of my life. At that time I only had my job to hold on to. I have always been loyal to my work and proud of my work ethic. Aside from Audrey, my job was the other thing I found external from myself to attribute my own value to. Even while things were collapsing personally, I managed to keep up my workload, but often had tears streaming down my face while I was doing it. Because of this I told my manager what I was dealing with so she understood because it must've looked very unprofessional. Having told her, I was sure, she would understand.

At this time I was 41 years old. I had been ignoring all evidence of an anxiety disorder for years. I really didn't even know that anxiety was a disorder, to be honest. I had accepted claims from those who knew me that said I was 'high strung' or 'neurotic' as truths. It was just the way I was. It didn't make me a bad person so I just figured it was my nature and never thought more about it. My body had been telling me for almost 20 years that it was more than just quirkiness but I had always found ways to ignore it. Hives. "Sure people get those." My back would go out and make me immobile but x-rays would find nothing wrong with me. "I must've pulled something and forgotten." My stomach would get incredibly sick every time I was upset. "What did I eat this time?"

So last year I guess my mind finally determined that it would give me a sign I could not ignore. My body literally betrayed me. In public. My boss, who knew that I was already on the edge and suffered from severe depression had been harassing me to a level which was so bad that by the time the legal department saw the evidence of both the harassment and Human Resources deciding to completely ignore and, thus, condone it, they offered me a settlement check to never tell anyone what she had done. But one day her harassment pushed me over the edge and my heart was pounding so hard I could feel it and hear it pounding in my ear. I was hot like I was immediately sick with a high fever. My entire body started shaking and I couldn't control or stop it. And my breathing was out of control where I could not catch my breath. I literally thought I was going to die from not being able to breathe. It was terrifying. I had no idea what was going on. Before that I day I thought a 'panic attack' was something else. "I'm having a panic attack" is a phrase people used when they were stressed out. I had no idea its actual reference was to a complete physical collapse.

I went for months after that day completely unable to leave my home. I was diagnosed with agoraphobia. It pissed me off. I finally looked it up and read that it is very common with people who have panic attacks, especially after their first, because your subconscious is trying to protect you from having a similar situation. I then accepted that this was a thing and that it made sense why it was happening. But I can also completely rationalize that it is irrational. So it still pisses me off.

Ironically, I honestly think that if my anxiety didn't keep my mind going at this seemingly fast pace (although compared to what my life usually offers when not combined with depression its not really fast at all), I would probably already be dead. The writing is the only evidence I have that something inside me is trying to counter my daily revelations that I would rather be dead. The fact that my life insurance doesn't pay out if I kill myself is the only thing that has kept me from thinking seriously about finding a way out.

I feel like my world is so dark that if I didn't have something to focus on I could actually fall asleep and just not wake up. I could stop eating and drinking. I already ignore the phone and repel visitors. My writing allows me to look outside of myself, like I always have. I can focus on something else and ignore whatever hurts. I'm sure that's not healthy. But spending time inside my mind isn't, either.

Of course, because I can't leave my house, I don't have a job. And because I don't have a job, I cannot afford insurance. So I am, at present, on a very long waiting list for psychiatric care. My writing is my distraction and my care at this time. To prevent a panic attack I don't even spend time thinking about what kind of anxiety I will have to deal with whenever I finally have a psychiatric appointment and it is time to leave my house and go to an unknown place to meet an unknown person and offer them my life story and my fears and entrust them with my mental care. That complete notion is so overwhelming that I cannot find the words to express it properly. That is probably the worst thing about mental health issues. You won't find them in an x-ray or in blood work. And I don't imagine I am the only intelligent person with a large vocabulary who cannot find the words to tell you just how terrifying and awful it is to be in this place.

That's where I am. That's what I call depression.

But for many in our society its easier to just call it lazy. Or crazy.

And that's a shame.

Woody Allen Deserves No Quarter

Last night Bill Maher was quick to support Woody Allen when they were discussing the Bill Cosby rape allegations. Maher said that he would offer 'quarter' to Allen and insinuated that his accuser (Mia Farrow) had a personal reason to make accusations and that it was different. I make few distinctions between rapists and child molesters. It is hard for me to believe that any thoughtful person could with what we do know about Allen, regardless of whether or not he was ever found guilty.

It always disgusts me to hear Woody Allen celebrated. Do we not have enough off-beat comedic talents that we can't spare just one? The fact that he has maintained his career and continues to draw the biggest celebrities to be in his movies is, frankly, disturbing. The charges of molestation against his own adopted daughter, Dylan, were never filed in 1992 by the prosecutor who cited that there was potential for instability during a trial due to the child accusers instability. Their having gone unfiled had nothing to do with credibility or evidence. I don't need those charges to be true to loathe him, however. I find his lacking morality cause enough to believe the child and find him repulsive.

When Allen started his affair with Soon-Yi, not only was he supposed to have been her father-figure, but he was in a relationship with her mother. Her mother discovered the affair by finding naked photos of her daughter taken by Allen. Obviously this discovery precipitated the end of their family. That is a lot of weight for any child, but especially an adoptee, to bear. And how long had the relationship been going on? His having had the affair and then advising her to keep their secret is not only a blatant disregard for the family of which they were both members, but overt evidence of grooming techniques attributed to pedophiles. He destroyed the security of Soon-Yi and all of her adopted brothers and sisters. Whatever role or bond that each of the family members was meant to have had was made irrelevant and completely destroyed. Imagine explaining to a child that their sister would now be having the relationship that their mother had had with the man who had been their father-figure, and actual father to one, Ronan. (but I'm still pulling for that Sinatra rumor to be true).

Of course, he reminds everyone that he was neither her legal father nor biological. Right. No, sure. That makes sense. Never mind the fact that you were the father-figure in her home from the age of 10; or that you knew her as a young, broken and vulnerable child acclimating to a new country, language, home and family. There is no rational way for that familial relationship to ever gravitate into a romantic one. It was your responsibility as a guardian to make her feel safe in her new life. Piece of shit.

If society can accept this behavior, adoption should be outlawed because every child's emotional development and stability are at risk. If these are the mindsets of those raising our adopted children, how are they supposed to grow up strong with self-respect; with a feeling of connectedness and security? As best I can tell, the only accessory that never goes out of style in Hollywood is the adopted child. But they line up to kiss his ass. Does no one look at their own family and question what type of monster Allen must be? I believe in the goodness of people. I believe everyone deserves a chance until they give you a reason to question their character. I believe Allen has more than gone out of his way to prove his own repulsive character. As long as Hollywood continues to revere him, they bare their own character, as well.

Are Temper Tantrums A Good Campaign Strategy?

Not gonna lie ... I cannot think of a single physical torture anyone could lay on me that would make me vote for a Republican. However, just watching from the outside, I feel confident that I would not vote for a Democrat or Independent who behaved the way those on the right have behaved this week. What must those in the center be thinking? Honestly!

This was the headline on Mike Huckabee's blog today where he railed over SCOTUS' decision on marriage equality. So, ummm... if you were, say, President, and you decided to resist and reject the judiciary, wouldn't that make you a tyrant? Moron.

He said the court was out of control yesterday, too. When they upheld the Affordable Care Act (say those three words in your head - wonder why they needed to give it another name?) he just wanted to lose his mind. This Christian will not abide living in a country where everyone has access to affordable healthcare. God. Dammit!




Ted Cruz had a fit yesterday, too. He, along with the rest of the GOP hopefuls, cannot interpret what the court ruling said. They all believe that they are going to be able to get rid of Obamacare. Never mind what they said in the ruling. No. Really. You have to have something to rail about, right?

Teddy hasn't commented yet on today's ruling. But last week he did tell a congregation, oops sorry, I mean conference attendees, "I would encourage everyone here to be lifting up in prayer the court that they not engage in an act of lawless judicial activism." So I assume he will be upset. Dick.

Bobby Jindals reply to Obamacare being upheld is almost comical. Its comical in the way that I like to laugh at people who are really assholes and say nonsense, not like a funny joke or anything. He was really pissed off because the Supreme Court didn't take away healthcare from millions of people based on semantics. Jindal demanded that the Supreme Court does not have the final say in the land . because ... yeah.

Of course, Mister Christian was all aflutter over SCOTUS' support of marriage equality today. It is curious. Im not kidding. I cannot have a rational discussion with someone and come out of it understanding how in the FUCK your religious liberties are diminished by another persons happiness.

I don't want to bark too loudly. Maybe they don't realize what they sound like to rational people. I just hope enough of them are paying attention. Good Gravy!

America the BEAUTIFUL

There is nothing special here. I want to just save this for myself in the future. This was the best week to be a Liberal in a very long time. Monday the Republican governor of Alabama took down the Confederate flags on the statehouse. By himself. He didn't wait for the legislature to allow him to do it. He just did it. It was instigated by an awful event and the tragedy will be with us forever. I hope more progress continues to come from their loss to honor them.

Yesterday Obamacare was upheld by SCOTUS. The Republicans in Congress have little else to signify their time in DC other than trying to take down Obamacare (because why would anyone think it was acceptable to give affordable healthcare for all?) and having hearings on Benghazi. The way that the findings were written made it almost impossible for anyone to try to take it down again. Now people will have to just work toward making it the best resource for all Americans.

And then today .... I swear when Audrey was a baby I envisioned the country having marriage equality by the time she grew up and entered the world, but I thought there were too many backward people in the world. IT PASSED. In the Supreme Court!!! And even though the GOP likes to turn every single thing into a states rights issue so they can influence their own courts and define their own little fucked up world, the court made this for the whole country. SO SUCK IT!!! And all of my brothers and sisters in the country can marry who they love and my world became more beautiful today.

My favorite headline today? Slate:

Hey! Here's a map of where gay marriage is legal in America!

A Plan to Have the Flag Down By Monday

From every interview of the Governor of South Carolina, Nikki Haley, it is clear that she has no compassion or understanding about the pain perpetuated by flying the Confederate flag atop the state house.

From this debate, her interest in removing the flag would only be compelled by the CEOs of the major corporations which call South Carolina home.

These are the top 22 large corporations in America which have a a major presence in South Carolina with a copy of their Twitter handles. You can also go to their Facebook page. You can send them a message or you can write them a letter. If enough people compel them to act they will do so. Their only interest is in maintaining their good name. And, apparently, Nikki Haley's only interest is in making these corporations happy.

If you want to forward a letter to Nikki Haley there is one here you are welcome to use.

By Monday, if these corporations are threatened by enough customers of a boycott, they will become involved. 

Please help in the effort.

Mean Progressive

Please also take a moment to sign this petition which is nearing 500,000 signatures if you have not already. The voices of Americans can be heard here.

Dear Nikki Haley: It Is Time

Dear Governor Haley:


It is common knowledge for all Americans that the Confederate flag is a symbol for racist groups. As such, one would think that it would be an embarrassment for it to be displayed publicly at a government building. Please ask yourself what the difference is, historically and emotionally, between the Confederate flag and this swastika flag. Both flags have been adopted by countless racist hate groups because of their commonalities. If that does not make sense to you, I insist you should not be representing any state or its citizens. You raised the question of your capacity to lead when you  answered in debates that removing the flag was not important to the CEOs of corporations in South Carolina. Do their opinions still hold the same weight?

State Representative Doug Brannon means to propose a bill to have the Confederate flag come down in November. That really is too long to wait. The healing cannot begin until the flag is removed from your statehouse and November is many months away.

You had a massacre in your state. Members of your community were murdered while they were praying in their church. The objective, per the assailant, was to start a race war. The hatred and racism from the time of slavery has never been addressed properly and is still a very important issue for all Americans to contend with. You dismiss the lives lost this week when you allow the very symbol adopted by racists as their flag to fly over the state house.

The insult is so much more profound when you realize that not only was one of the people who was killed, the Reverend Clementa Pinckney, the pastor of that church who had just spent an hour praying with his killer, but he was a member of the House of Representatives for the state of South Carolina. He must have had every ounce of the grace attributed to him by so many to have entered that building every day and pass that flag which represented so much pain and hate to then offer the respect to all inside. Every person inside the state house that he paid respect to had the power to return the favor by taking the flag down. It is unimaginable that they will allow it to fly now.

When you dismiss all pleas for the flags removal you disassociate yourself from a profound opportunity to begin the healing that our country has been in such desperate need to find. If it remains after the slaughter of these human beings in an event that we know to have been only an issue of race, you are perpetuating the problem and condoning not only the actions, but the mentalities behind the racist actors in our society today. They want that flag to stay up. The good-hearted and loving among us what an empathetic, thoughtful reflection to offer revelation to those with the authority to declare it time to take the flag down and respect those who were lost.

At present, your town is full of monuments and reminders to those who led the battles in attempts to maintain the ownership of other human beings. Can you not allow this massacre to be the event that makes you understand what type of pain that causes? I hear interviews of those defending their ancestors who fought in the war who demand the flag is an important reminder of their sacrifices. Would it not be prudent, at this time specifically, to consider the sacrifices of the ancestors whose lives they were fighting to remain enslaved?

The black community, too, are your citizens. And you perpetuate their suffering when you tell them that the struggles of their family are irrelevant. You condone the hatred when you fly a flag that all know is a symbol of hate in America. It is time to take it down. Today.

Most Sincerely,

All Patriotic Americans

This number of signatures on this national petition will continue to grow. I urge you to keep an eye on it. It will help document how many people are beginning to associate racism with a Republican leader who refuses to understand the importance of their role in perpetuating racism.

Read My Lips: No New Bushes

I am a woman. And a Liberal. As such, I am outraged and disgusted by the entire Conservative field of Presidential hopefuls for 2016. For some reason, however, Jeb Bush is the most offensive to me. All of the other candidates on the right are overtly pandering to the radicals of their party by repeating hateful rhetoric for all who don't meet their restricted standards for 'patriots.' Jeb is waiting for them to whittle the field because they will all count one another out and leave him alone as the more centrist candidate. Of course, those of us who actually pay attention know there is nothing centrist about him (or Walker, Kasich or any of the others who will be peddled out later). He, like the rest, has shown actual disdain for women.

Last week Jeb Bush was publicly outed for having written a book and passing a law in the 90s to literally shame unwed mothers. He responded by telling America that he had evolved. An evolution of ideas and understandings is a beautiful thing; I dare say it means one is being Progressive. And it is something he managed to prove the Conservatives are still unable to do in his response. As he is seemingly unaware, having put the world 'evolved' into his sentence didn't actually mean that he has. The remaining part of the quote was, "In fact, since 1995 ... this book was a book about cultural indicators [and] the country has moved in the wrong direction. We have a 40-plus percent out-of-wedlock birth rate."

Right. Jeb not only failed to back track on his position, he managed to wax poetic about his own prophetic insistence on where our culture was headed. He fails to even consider that maybe his idea of a perfect family might be just a bit narrow. He believes that a family is incomplete and children cannot have "lives of purpose and meaning" in a single parent home. I feel pretty confident that my daughter, who is now grown and in her senior year of college, would disagree. I bet there are scores of millions of children who would disagree. Of course, my child was never arrested for public intoxication or trying to illegally obtain prescription drugs, either. So I guess there are some lessons Jeb could've taught my daughter that she missed out on. I'll just have to hope she turns out okay in the end.

A lot has been made about Jeb Bush or Secretary Clinton potentially being nominated as a part of a dynasty. That isn't necessarily a bad thing. We had Theodore Roosevelt and then Franklin D. If we could have then had Eleanor, the niece of Theodore and wife of Franklin, that would've been a beautiful revelation for the country. On myriad levels. I imagine we would be a much healthier nation if that could've happened. But, of course, it never did so having fantasies about where we could be now is irrelevant. The Bush legacy, however, is a terrifying prospect. Honestly.

I'm sorry, but if you enter a campaign with a running mate who cannot spell the word 'potato(e?)' history cannot be expected to remember you kindly. Are we meant to have already forgotten all about George H W Bush's failed presidency where he waited less than 18 months for his proposal to negate his campaign slogan of "No New Taxes"? Or his veto of the Civil Rights Act of 1990? And then, I suppose, we should also forget the fact that the first war in Iraq was his creation and offered a singular objective for Bush 43 to complete once the Supreme Court and Florida (ehem) handed him to us as our President.

The George W Bush presidency. Sigh. Do I have to? 9/11. Iraq war. Katrina. That funny 'lock box' came up empty. Deregulating banks. I can't do this. Remembering him gives me hives (not kidding). Here follow this link if you are made of stronger metal than I obviously am.

Jeb Bush seems to want us to forget about his family legacy. He tells us he is his own man. But he also told us that those advising him on foreign policy were many who had advised his father and his brother. And, possibly even more terrifying, in May, when asked who would be on his team of advisers he listed his brother George. Absolutely! Have a quiet moment with that vision.

Jeb's arrogance has been acknowledged repeatedly during the last six months with his unwillingness to answer questions and behaving as if he has already won the nomination. It must be pretty profound if he thinks he is going to tell America that he wants his brother to help him on foreign policy and believe that we will not begin crawling out of our own skin. Or, just maybe there is something to the recent scientific breakthrough of the 'stupid gene.'

No matter the reason, I feel confident that his own legacy as a governor and that of his family will keep him away from the general election. I doubt he will even make it through the primaries, either. Then we can have more time to bathe in the insanity of the nominees who have even less tact than Jeb and who you don't even have to search for sound bites to embarrass. Won't that be fun?

Dear Media: There Are Terrorists Among Us

Terrorism is a very important issue in America. I know this because you tell me that. Often. I have been duly conditioned to fear the terrorists among us. I know that terrorists are those who mean to do harm to create fear, perpetuated for an economic, religious, political or ideological goal, which deliberately target or disregard the safety of non-combatants (non-military or civilians). This weekend, America had a terrorist attack with a shooting and ended with a bombing in Dallas. It feels funny to have to report this to you, as in truth, it is your job to report this to me, but as you have neglected to do so, I will ask that you please research this story and catch up on its details to report to the rest of America. We need to be mindful of the terrorists among us. Our media does a lot of work to remind us of terrorism. Sometimes it feels like it might be overdone a little, to tell the truth. But there are a lot of stories about terrorists that you neglect to tell us about.

I know that Americans spend much of their Monday mornings at work discussing the weekend with their co-workers. The morning shows have a lot to do with what people think are relevant stories. That is a lot of responsibility, isn't it? Or it is a lot of power? I guess it is important to differentiate that, huh? If you felt it was your responsibility to sincerely inform Americans about terrorism you should be pretty embarrassed about the big story you all missed this morning. If it is about power, then I don't suppose it is remotely important to you what any of your audience wants to hear about anyway. If we have to seek our information elsewhere, what is the point of watching you at all? Is it true? Are you really just a means of entertainment? If this is the case, you might as well start reporting lies and creating stories to give us like the Fox cable channel with the word 'news' in its title.

I did see this weekend that the terrorist in Texas was white. I also heard that he had mental health issues. That happens a lot, doesn't it? We never questioned whether or not the Tsarnaev brothers had any mental health disorders, but I am sure there is a really good reason for that which has nothing to do with any deliberate attempt to perpetuate the very narrow definition of a terrorist that Americans are beginning to misunderstand.

The Today Show did not offer us any news about the terrorist attack in America this morning. We heard about shark attacks on eastern beaches. You reminded us about the escaped convicts from the prison in New York and the cost of their daily search. You also told us about the pending Republicans entering the campaign today, as well. I was hoping, however, to hear about the terrorist in Dallas.

Good Morning America told us about the terrorist attack that was offered to us this weekend as supposition with a stranded airplane in Canada. Those on the flight were offered "little information" about what was going on. It was very curious, and even more frightening: It was an airplane! Maybe we were about face another 9/11 attack? I don't know because you literally offered us no information at the conclusion of the story. The fear was instilled, though. We are still worried about any pending attacks. But we did not hear about the actual terrorist attack in Dallas.

CBS This Morning told us about Jeb Bush and Secretary Clinton opening their campaigns today. We heard about the shark attacks in North Carolina and the escaped convicts in New York. We even were offered insights into the woman in Washington state who had parents that were white but had lied about her ethnicity on her job application with the NAACP. There was no mention of the terrorist in Texas.

I believe that if this terrorist had been from a nationality other than American or a religion other than Christian, this terrorist attack would have opened all of the news shows this morning. I believe that all of the nations news outlets would have sold out the hotels in Dallas for the next month to make sure they had a staff on call for any new developments in the next several weeks about any known associations or recent contacts the terrorist might have made. As a member of your audience who has come to expect that kind of coverage on terrorism stories, I would still like to know the answers.

The embarrassment of our media is an ongoing tragedy in our country. Outlets and journalists sometimes have to go through the federal court system to report on things that are sincerely newsworthy. Some even need to go to court to prove that they should even be allowed to call themselves news. Maybe because other outlets have been told that they have a freedom of speech to couple with their freedom of the press which precludes them from having any actual responsibility in what they report, all media believe it is acceptable for them to do the same. I am here to tell you that it is not. You are insulting the Americans who seek out actual information and the truths behind those stories. If we were desperate for nonsense, we would watch the Fox cable channel with the word 'news' it its title. As such. I imagine you are all defining your irrelevance each day. Well done.

Contrived Through Christ

The Regressive Party are not only bastardizing any intelligent discourse in our society, but the narrative surrounding understandings of our Constitution and the Bible. How far will we allow them to go? They have worked very hard to deny rights of others while demanding they are the ones being persecuted. When is some credible facet of our society going to shut this nonsense down? The Constitution has been interpreted to them as having given them rights to allow for discrimination based on their Bible. When thoughtful Americans counter their bullshit, these Christians (who make up the bulk of our population) determine that they, and their religion, are under attack. This assertion is being fed to them all day long in messages laced with fear and hate from the likes of Rush Limbaugh, their hundreds of presidential candidates, and, of course, the Fox cable channel with the word 'news' in its title. This belief in their own persecution is sincere. Its ridiculous. But it is sincere.

Presently the far right is demanding that the freedom of religion guaranteed by the Constitution be used to allow businesses (which, apparently, can have a religion?) to discriminate both in hiring/firing and in determining which citizens they want to serve. If that is the way we are meant to interpret ones freedom of religion, shouldn't there be a means of differentiating religious ideals?

The right has recently allowed for new translations of the Bible than those Americans had traditionally been raised to believe. Jesus, as well all know (or once knew, at least), wanted us to love and not judge one another. However, Regressive Christians are trying to pass laws so they can discriminate against those they pass judgments on. The old time Christians still believe that it is our duty to care for the sick and the poor but the Regressive Party Christians are fighting against allowing everyone to have access to healthcare and condemning the poor by using a misinterpreted line from Thessalonians to support it. These new Christians are also very anxious to start wars in the Middle East and many have said this was a means to "administer the wrath of God upon an unbelieving mankind." I remember having learned about Jesus being anti-violence and bringing on 'end times' was never given to me as an objective. Was my minister a quack?

How is the law meant to differentiate which interpretations of Christianity are right? Translations are, quite obviously, subjective. Do we need for the Supreme Court to have a mandate to tell us exactly which passages in the Bible can negate which of our laws? We will then need to identify each religion, each of their sects and each of the laws that their followers are allowed to ignore. Does everyone need to carry an identification card to show the police that they are absolved from arrest and prosecution? It seems like a lot of work to allow people to break laws we would otherwise be bound by.

The Regressives use the Old Testament to support a lot of their beliefs. Would we need to pass laws to support both Testaments? The Old Testament supports acts of extreme violence and violate many laws we presently have to follow. Should adultery be illegal? Would it be okay if someone killed a cheating spouse? Will everyone currently in prison for this offense be released if they are Christians? If a teenager is caught masturbating by his/her parents who believe it is a sin, can they legally stone their children? The Old Testament said that if an engaged woman was raped she would have to be put to death. Should her fiancé be allowed to go through with that if his particular sect of Christianity supports these values? (Of course, we would first have to determine if it was a 'legitimate rape')

When we open ourselves up to defining our rights based on something completely subjective, we are asking for trouble. Recently a Satanist group petitioned the courts to overrule a law imposing a waiting period for an abortion because it was against their religion. I don't know what their religious tenets are, but they are Americans. And they are afforded the same religious freedoms as the rest of us, right?

As much as the entire conversation in society is disturbing and shows the tragic regression of our citizenry, it is curious to me that it is even a part of our discourse. How does it get to be a legitimate discussion when it was created by the Regressive Party who, to their own definition, support the Constitution without exception? No exceptions would mean that this interpretation of their right to religion is impeding on other people's freedoms. Although they don't seem to be aware of it, we have more than two Amendments to the Constitution.

Those on the right who are demanding their religious freedoms only like to believe that those freedoms are inherent to Christianity, but many other religions exist. The fears that have been instilled in those in the GOP about Islam have offered them a very dark vision of its teachings and they are being conditioned to believe that all Muslims are terrorists. These zealots want to dismiss every question posed to them about the tenets of other religions, but if they sincerely believe that Islam is the boogey man they have been told about, do they want to allow the 'Sharia Law' they've heard so much about practiced in America? Because that is what it means to define rights in our Constitutional democracy.

The Regressive Party does so many things to create and perpetuate hate, but the thing that is most painful is their misuse of the Bible. They are blasphemous when repeating their newly interpreted words of God. I don't know how America can abide this and allow so many GOP hopefuls to run for the Presidency without being publicly condemned daily for furthering this hateful narrative.

Maybe somehow, before we have to go any deeper into this completely irrational discussion, we could have some intelligent discourse in America where a respected leader can explain to these 'patriots' what it means to actually be an American and take that privilege seriously. We are all afforded the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. If, in pursuing happiness, you are hyper-focused on taking away the liberties of others, you are not just a shitty American, but you are not a Christian.

Lift the White Man's Burden

Lift the white man's burden.
Its weight is much too strong.
He's sacrificed for many.
And ignored himself too long.
The white man traveled 'round the world.
To civilize us all.
He taught us to accept him.
But now we must stand tall.

Lift the white man's burden.
His grip must be released.
He brought us to this moment.
We leave him now in peace.
Offer him your patience.
Offer him your grace.
As the white man moves along
Shame not his true disgrace.

Lift the white man's burden.
His curse is now his own.
The white man has a place to be.
This place is what he's sown.
What the white man created
Won't be reversed from here.
But his captives can move forward now.
And go forth free from fear.

To all the nations women:
Its time now that you stand.
Rule your body and your mind.
They'll have dictates by no man.
The needs of every woman
Can now be met alone.
She will create her future.
Where triumphs are her own.

To every person forced here:
The white man needs his time.
He's focused on your actions.
And forgotten his own crimes.
He gave you laws to live by.
He gave you names and deeds.
He ignored himself through all of this.
He must now take his leave.

To all of those with variance.
The white man now is done.
This place belongs to all of us.
Where judgments will be none.
No 'comply' demand needs answered.
No person now is small.
The white man has no means here
To define or rate us all.

Lift the white man's burden.
His collective has grown weak.
He does not know just why he's wrong.
Be wary of his pique.
The white man has confusions.
The white mans lost his way.
The white man will be fine, its true.
As his discontents allay.


In my own acknowledged arrogance, I tend to read any piece with my own interpretations as being the satisfaction of its understanding. Even in school when we were met with opposing ideas, I was content to stop at my own and ignore all others. It is who I am. I admit my short-sightedness but don't intend to change it this late in life. The following is a response to Rudyard Kipling's White Man's Burden. I do realize that this poem was initially met from two sides when it was published. Some found it to be sincere where others determined it was not. When I was young I desperately needed this poem to be sarcastic. No one could really be that arrogant, right? But now I see that the arrogance defined therein is pervasive even today. Our entire society is still based on a mentality of the universal "white man" who not only has the right to overtake any nation of 'heathens' he determines useful, but enslave its people and take claim to their land. Today that collective white man is still trying to invade other countries for their resources and 'civilize' its people. He still wants to pass laws that control the rest of us so we can fit into his mold and be civilized to his dictates. Id really rather not. Thankfully, I am not alone.

I spend none of my time believing I am a great poet. I am a bitch sometimes, though. So the above was a nice opportunity for the bitch inside of me to have a little fun. She thanks you. Kiss Kiss.

American Exceptionalism?

The fact that politicians on the right are espousing a heartfelt belief in American exceptionalism and are bullying those on the left to prove they believe the same is, frankly, disturbing. Although my computer keeps trying to tell me that exceptionalism isn't a word, the concept has been around for a long time. Exceptionalism is a theory where one society, culture, country, etc. is extraordinary above all others, having something unique which makes it shine above the rest. That is ridiculous. Not only are we an adolescent in comparison to the nations they profess superiority over, but those who are making these demands actually behave like adolescents in regard to, and often in the presence of, those other countries.

Several years ago, the President was asked if he believed in American exceptionalism. He basically said that he believed in it the way that other countries believed that they were exceptional. That would be a pretty fair answer for an absurd question at a NATO summit, I would think. He went on to explain his answer in a thoughtful manner, full of words his detractors would have to look up before countering. Of course, they didn't need to counter his contentions, they had what they needed in that one little sound bite. So the far right had a new rallying cry against the President to say that he didn't love America. Most critical thinkers would have agreed with the President. Some might even think he was being generous. But the far right doesn't talk to critical thinkers. They are talking to people who don't want to be bothered to think for themselves. So they were given their talking points and sent on their way.

At present, we are being inundated by the right with their varied definitions of exceptionalism. Ted Cruz had a rather bizarre and, quite obviously, insincere revelation in March where he explained that his people, those who listen to country music, are superior because of the way that industry responded to 9/11. Before then, he explained, he had been a lover of classic rock & roll. But he was off-put by their response to the attacks on 9/11. Apparently the international fundraisers held in both September and October were not, you know, patriotic. Maybe because of his hasty conversion to country music he missed the new songs which came out about the attacks by classic rockers like Bruce Springsteen, Paul McCartney and John Mellencamp. Even Neil Young came out with a song that honored the heroes of flight 93. Cruz's attempts to garner supporters will have certainly fallen on deaf ears. No one who wasn't already going to vote for him would ever fall for that shit.

Mike Huckabee, too, has been all over the media, first promoting his book and now on his campaign for President, explaining that there is something quite ideal about the way they live in the south. Apparently he believes his constituency wants or needs to be pandered to. And, apparently, he believes they are not intelligent enough to realize that's what he's doing. His contention is that their superiority is defined by virtues only southern women possess, like not using birth control because they know how to control their libidos. And those women are also too classy to ever use a curse word like those trashy northern women (we know, Mike, but fuck you for noticing). Southerners are funny, where those outside of "Bubbaville" (I can't make this up) are of less humor. Those red, white & blue Bubbas are God-fearing, principled folk and the over-educated city slickers have had all principle taught right out of them. He is really big on reiterating those over-educated every time you hear him speak. It really is curious. How do southerners like having been condemned to being a comical, yet ignorant, bunch who cannot even reason through rhetoric and see that they are being mocked by the man who is professing their superiority? This is an American society. It cannot be defined by someone who is telling us any exceptionalism found in the society is a narrow subset who adhere to his prescribed ideals.

There is something inherently grotesque about the right demanding a moral or patriotic high ground. It is as if their followers, collectively, have such low self-esteem that they need to be told of their supremacy. Secretary of State John Kerry said that the idea of American exceptionalism makes him uncomfortable. I would think most thoughtful people would agree with that assertion for reasons outlined herein. However, the right jumped all over him suggesting that he and the Liberals don't love America and those on the right are more patriotic. Why do the people on the far right need to hear that? People with actual grace and moral standing don't need to be convinced of it. Nor do they need to be told that they're superior for having attained it.

I am an actual patriot. I don't prove it by putting a flag and an eagle and the Statue of Liberty in my avatar. I prove it by loving my country and my countrymen. I prove it by voting and volunteering in my community. I prove it by sincerely supporting our troops, in wanting them to only have to fight when it is necessary and make sure they are 100% taken care of when they get home. I prove my patriotism by wanting to protect America's land and natural resources. And educate her children. And feed her poor. I prove it by not only learning and understanding my country's history, but by promoting ideas of our improving on it. America cannot be a great society just because I wish it to be so. When my daughter was an adolescent, oftentimes she behaved like an ass. At those times I didn't clap my hands together and throw them in the air to proclaim, "Voila! Perfection!" I sighed, realized I still loved her more than anything and acknowledged I had more work yet to do. I am a patriot who loves my country and wants to see her progress toward something exceptional.

As America's history is short and relatively brutal, her stories of greatness would need to be promoted and her failures denied in order to really promote exceptionalism. And we cannot rewrite our own history in order to create a more appealing chronicle. Last year, however, the RNC resolved that the AP History tests, which had been updated to require critical thinking, as had been added to English and math, were focusing on too many negative aspects of our history. Then states began to follow with their own complaints about information that should be removed: slavery, internment camps, issues of equality, etc. Oklahoma tried to pass a bill that would stop funding of AP tests for their students because they wanted a stronger emphasis on positive aspects of history.

In Colorado, one teacher literally came out and demanded that the new testing was bashing America. As if any of the items given to prepare the students for the tests were created out of thin air or this was an attempt to make students less patriotic? The students in Colorado actually went on strike when they realized what was going on. They were, after all, the ones who would have to go to college having never learned about or been asked to consider the facts of our history. As such, these states were not even asking themselves to be accountable for the education of their children. As a mother and an American, that has to be about the most unexceptional thing I can think of. If the focus is to rewrite our own history to create our greatness, the mission has already denied the objective.

Historically, the civilizations that we exalt and remember as having been exceptional are those which have grown into something substantial and influential. Their history defines struggles and teaches a means of overcoming them. This gives all societies something to reflect on, learn from and grow toward. Those on the right who are presently trying to demand our exceptionalism are not only trying to negate the fact that we have not overcome the trials we have created and endured, but they are working very hard to go back to many of them as if they were never problems to begin with. As long as those same people continue to create a mangled present day narrative of hate, dependency, inequality and injustice, I'm not even convinced we can call ourselves a civilization. But I am quite certain that we are not exceptional.