Shout Progress! Unique Progressive Designs

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Maybe A Little Anxious

For the most part, I keep my two blogs separate. My personal life, from day one to this, has formed my belief structure and my bleeding heart for the whole wide world, but my readership for one is completely different than that of the other. I have posted (and then re-posted) my piece on our mental health stigma in this political forum because I think it is important for everyone to consider. I found a lot of people were either comforted by my having explained a loved one that they could never quite understand or, even more rewarding for me, I found people who were grateful for having found another person who shares this place that is so painful and ugly.

Most people who don't suffer from mental health issues, it seems, would really rather not think about them, either. "Mental health" is a great catch phrase when you are trying to distract people from a goddamned epidemic of tolerated gun violence in our country, but really, no one should be expected to give a shit about it beyond that. Right?

The revelation that many of my readers seemed to have had about my piece was offered to me this morning by my friend, Greg. He sent me this video and I reacted in a way that surprised me. I literally had a panic attack watching someone who completely understood why my panic attacks have left me in this place. I have built a wall so tall and so thick as to protect myself from ever making myself vulnerable again to a person who might want to try and deal with my myriad complexities but determine later that I wasn't really worth the effort, after all. It used to be a subconscious effort to push people away, but after my most recent and most powerful loss, I have become aware of what I am doing. Sadly, I have determined that it is safer to just keep the wall.

This poet, Brenna Twohy, has hope. It is beautiful. I have maternal pride for her having identified her demons and offered them for reflection. Or rejection. She is powerful in a way she probably has no way of understanding. She is beautiful and wise. I hope she knows. And I hope someone else will find encouragement from her strength and endurance.

I don't imagine I will ever be able to set myself up for the kind of hope she is projecting. I do find genuine solace, however, in knowing that this place is not solitary, either. Although his journey was different, James Hetfield, too, has found this place.

Please pass the video of Brenna Twohy on to others who suffer from PTSD and struggle with anxiety. The comfort of finding you are not alone will never be matched or exceeded by those who mean well but really have no idea what you are dealing with.

Kiss Kiss.
Mean Progressive

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